Far past the moss, the fog and plants,
a thoughtful youth walks ‘long a path
and lends each spot of green her glance.
A creek runs through the earth she walks
It whispers secrets she can’t hear.
Because she knows the forest talks
She kneels and drinks as from a bowl
And hears each word with all her soul;
The water’s voice is cold and clear
It tells her that her heart lies here
In the earth and in the trees
In the clouds and with the bees
On such a day her load to bear
seems lighter in the forest’s air.
As an excercise for myself, I started making a list of the things that stress me vs the things that relax me. One trend I noticed was that the things that relax me were all reflective, non-active things; like watching movies, writing in my diary, reading, etc. On the other hand, the things that stressed me were things that required me to do something about them; plans, a messy kitchen or room, and social situations in general.
The things that stress me out are usually easily gotten out of the way; for example by doing my plans or cleaning the mess. So it’s more about my attitude towards those things, than the actual things that seem to stress me. I need to recognize that if plans are stressing me out I have to make less plans or get some out of the way, and if there’s a mess I have to clean it so that it’s out of the way.
As she lay on the matt, her mind journeyed. There were many places to be, the future, the past, the present. Reaching out to all of them, her mind was thin. The exercise then began. She filled a bubble with everything she hoped to be. She saw herself giving presentations about areas she is passionate about, writing, illustrating, and publishing beautiful books, tending a homestead, caring for her kids, crafting pretty little items, playing music…
But who is the girl in that bubble, how did she get there, achieve that life? Doubtless, it was something like a constant search for knowledge, hard work in expressing that knowledge through storytelling, living off very little, but making the most of it.
4 years ago, she had done the same exercise, and she was now where she had then hoped to be; she was now the girl in that bubble from 4 years ago, so she knew it to be possible, that perhaps in 4 years she would be that girl, in that bubble of everything she now hoped to be.
Revisiting the same problems, over and over again. Evolution happens slowly, but at least it doesn’t have the power to look back at just how slow it is. When I read the last few months in my diary and see how I’m still struggling with the same issues, it makes me acutely aware that these are issues coming from my own habits and attitude…
-heavy drops in my mood after being very happy
-stretching myself out too thin to achieve anything fully
-disappearing into fantasy worlds (daydreaming, watching tv, reading, etc.)
-being afraid of not achieving the life I want
-thinking I’m a mess with no direction
On the other hand I have grown, I’ve come to value myself more, so even though I feel a little insecure about not being good enough at the things I try to do, I’m not being so hard on myself anymore. I really do make sure that I can rely on myself. For a long time, I wasn’t sure where to get my self-worth from, I think now it comes from within me. This source of self-worth is what I want to grow because I think it lets me overcome a lot of my issues.
Somewhere along the line I seem to have developed a taste for losing myself in the worlds of other peoples’ minds.
TV, movies, books, they’re so addictive to me, even though I often find myself out of touch with reality, and with myself, when I spend too much time on them. I don’t even want to watch tv i think is good anymore, just anything to transport my mind away from exams, worrying about my future, etc.
It’s like eating ice cream to get over a broken heart, sometimes when you crave one thing it’s because you’re trying to fill a hole. When I really sit with my thoughts and my feelings though, I know I want to stay connected with my self, with my own world, not be carried off by the worlds of others’ imaginations. So it’s time for me to stop filling the hole with junk tv and let it be filled with my own inspirations.
I’m not going to lie, I love beauty and the beast. It was my favourite disney movie growing up. It seems so appropriate that Emma Watson plays Belle, because I think both Belle and Emma Watson’s famous role; Hermione embody the current kind of princess; the girl who is smart, hard working, innovative/not afraid to be different, and beautiful because of her personality, independant of any title or riches.
I do love the idea of this kind of princess ❤
And yet I want more for the modern princesses; these days I’m more in awe of characters who take bigger risks and aspire to do big things (like anastasia, mulan, hercules). So hopefully the new kind of princess will keep evolving (maybe even to become like Miyazaki’s heroines, my true role models).
That aside, I can’t wait for beauty and the beast!
(pictures from a couple of pictures I took in the park in the summer wearing my belle-inspired outfit, and the watercolour I did too ^^)
There’s this huge add on the side of a building that I bike past every day on my way to and from university. It says You could once. You can again.
This resounded with me so much, but I never quite figured out why, maybe it was because I was usually amidst lots of bikes and in a rush to get from place to place. Yet in the shower today, as I thought about the life I want in respect to the person I am, I admitted that I really want to be a writer. Ok, this was no sudden epiphany, I’ve been thinking about it for some time, and practicing, trying to get better, but it’s one thing to have a desire, and another to accept it. I accepted it because I’ve gotten to know myself quite well by now, and I know that I want a family, and I know that I want a job that doesn’t require me to socialize every day or spend copious amounts of time in stifling environments. I also want to be a writer for the equally worthy reason, that I think it will make me happy; happy as in I will be doing what I can feel passionate about, I feel I could do something good for the world with the power of stories.
Sometimes I feel selfish for wanting something just so that it makes me happy, but I don’t think the world needs more unhappy people, doing jobs they’re not suited for just to pay the bills. Those are the kinds of people that waste their time and money on distractions that have awful impacts on fellow human beings as well as the earth, all because they can’t bear their lives. I fear becoming that kind of person…
Another thing I was thinking about, was where I got lost along the way to this point? I used to read all the time and most of all I loved writing stories about characters that were little pieces of me, living their own lives, finding adventures, expressing my heart. So where did I lose that drive, what made me stop believing in what I loved? Partly I think it was because I figured my lack of experience would make my stories boring, because what did I know of the world, little me with my nose in a book. So I lived for a while, and returned home to my books. Isn’t that a fairytale in itself? home out home again, yet this time changed.
My life may seem like a mess to an outsider, I started high school with a major in musical theatre, then switched to visual art, then took extra classes to ditch the arts and go into sciences, then I moved to Denmark, studied baking, then finally started university in nanobioscience. But the more new worlds I enter, the more clearly I see the real world these little worlds live in. It’s taken me a long time to get to know myself, though I try to learn about myself and the world around me in parallel, as they do tend to go hand in hand. Now it’s time to start using my knowledge of myself and the world we live in.
Terry Pratchett’s style of writing reminds me of a quote by Socrates: “I cannot teach anybody anything, I can only make them think”. His use of humour and story-telling makes it feel like I’m just having fun, meanwhile I’m being made to think about mind-boggling concepts; in The Science of Discworld series especially.
“The Science of Discworld III : Darwin’s watch”
The story follows the journey of a group of magicians trying to make Darwin write “The Origin of Species”. So the overall themes of the plot could be said to be scientific thinking, time travel, and history (specifically of Victorian England). However, there is also focus on very human concepts through these motifs.
Reading “Darwin’s Watch” took me on a journey through everything the world is not, and made me appreciate everything that it is: every mistake made (Darwin wrote 8 of the “wrong books” before being able to write his masterpiece after all) and every unlikely turn of events that led us humans to exist exactly as we do (The book does so by discussing probability, many-worlds theory, and evolution).
The authors emphasize the importance of getting our knowledge from several sources. This is because listening to several opinions (and being willing to change one’s own opinion when faced with evidence) is the best way to understand things. This idea I find especially relevant considering the current political situation worldwide being that people’s extreme opinions seem to make them incapable of seeing the opposition as humans.
Themes of the book aside, I won’t lie and say it’s an easy read, since the authors use big words and discuss of even bigger concepts, but the comic relief of the wizards certainly helps. It’s a fun and eye-opening read that I would highly recommend to anyone ready to become a little wiser ❤